Updated: Dec 16, 2020
Thanksgiving has come and gone. Sweet sisters, I hope you all were able to reach out for any support you needed or deep into yourselves and who God says you are to navigate this day of food family and possible triggers.
I woke a couple days ago with the lyrics “Who am I to be loved by you?” wafting through my mind I sat in quiet and asked God this very question and he replied, "who are to not be loved by me?" I have included the link to the video. I encourage you to watch this and hope that you too can come to the realization, “who am I not to be loved my God?”
Take a moment and sit quietly with the father and ponder these questions. Here is what God showed me as I brought these questions before him.
God reminded me that his grace and mercy are new each day and even moment to moment. I either believe this, or I don’t. You see, as we traverse the winding imperfect path of recovery, we will stumble and have difficult days and most days we dig down deep to find the strength to do the next right thing for recovery, and some days exhaustion sets in and we don’t. Even knowing that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me…” (Philippians 4:13) I falter.
It is in this falter that we can easily to fall into self-loathing, self-condemnation, and self-criticisms. I don’t know about you all, but when recovery gets difficult and I turn a listening ear towards ED’s voice or possibly even act on its enticing suggestions, I can quickly turn on myself. Just as Adam and Eve, in the garden, my instinct is to hide or run away from God in shame because I either forget or in the heat of the moment, don’t really believe that his grace and mercy are a breath away. "Sometimes my bad decisions, define my false suspicions, No one Should ever love me like you do.” (NEEDTOBREATHE)
I may make a poor decision or decisions and Satan is waiting in the wings to reach out his hook and yank me from the “stage” of my recovery I have achieved. (We are all at our own points in recovery.) He is just waiting to pull me out of God’s light into his darkness. At the same time Jesus is in on the other side of the stage encouraging me to stay on the stage; in his spotlight where shame can’t exist. Psalm 34:5 “those of who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered in shame.” (NIV) He desires to feed me a forgotten line or point me back towards my mark.
He never gives up on us, but all too often shame can cause us to give up on ourselves too soon. We fold into the darkness of our poor decisions and the eating disorder can convince to give up. Sweet sisters stand in His spotlight of truths of his grace and mercy. It is there for you! Yes, you and me. How do I know this? The Bible tells me so and it is in the circling back into this promise of grace and mercy I rise.
I had someone ask me this week “why, why is recovery so hard. I am tired of climbing and falling, climbing and falling!” Oh, how I understand how hard it is pick yourself up and start to climb. John 16:33 "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." So, when I fall, I look around and take in how far I have climbed, even though I have fallen, I am still higher than the valley of the eating disorder I have journeyed through to reach the mountain. Dear ones when you are tempted to lose heart, remember that this mountain you are climbing is simply a part of this world He has overcome.
We are heading into Christmas and we can feel joyous because of our savior’s birth. We can also feel overwhelmed by the food, our families, our loneliness, etc. Essentially, we can feel pressure to be a human doing instead of a loved human being. How will you approach this season? Here is a verse that I lean into when I am feeling the holiday pressure. Psalm 118:5 “When hard pressed, I cried out to the Lord, he brought me into a spacious place.” (NIV) He longs to bring each one of you out of the dark confines of ED into a spacious place.
What false suspicions are you believing today?
What are some ways you can allow Jesus to love you like he does?
Can you find a moment in the morning or in your circumstance to be still in the Lord? This pause can remind you that he promises strength in our weakness, grace and mercy, and most of all love.
Here is a simple children’s song I sing when I am feeling so weak and/or wondering about His great love for me. Give it a whirl and let me know how this helps you today and throughout the Christmas Season; after all this is when love came down to meet you.
“Jesus loves me, this I know
For the bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak, but He is strong
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so”
(Anna B. Warner, 1860)